Have you ever noticed that often when you’re being perceived as being “too much”, you’re simply in an environment that is not a match to you? It’s not personal, even if it can occur that way but it is kind of like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Instead of forcing or pushing simply stop and pivot into something that is more congruent with your true desires and inner knowing.
I’ve observed this in myself and others especially when you see no other option than taking it until you simply can’t take it anymore, and leave. When you compromise yourself at your own expense you’ll end up losing your spark, and that is a high price to pay. Instead, pivot into what makes you special, and expand on what only you can deliver starting with your strengths.
I get it, some of you are so busy “doing” and for some of you, it’s about surviving, and you just can’t see a way out of it. Yet sometimes where you’re heading comes to an abrupt end. Maybe you lost one too many clients, got sick, were laid off, or had to relocate due to a career move of your spouse or partner. For those of you in the military, you’re very familiar with pivoting and relocating with short notice.
Being yourself with a life that you love
It starts with you, it always starts with you believing and owning the fact that you’re awesome while also being aware of your shadows. The shadow is not what people generally consider being your weakness, most weaknesses fall in the area of your blind spots where there’s no charge.
Your talents and strengths are the areas where you have a natural aptitude and perspectives with rapid learning. It’s what you identify as a given and don’t always get that it’s unique to you. When you’re in an environment where you have to suppress your instincts you’ll react and have a charge. In other words, you may have a strong point of view if questioned, sometimes in the eyes of others, sometimes only from your judgment or awareness.
It’s important to consider all of that when you desire to create a life that you love. It’s not like you’re living in the shadow side it’s more about paying attention to situations and the environment if you are triggered. Look at why you’re triggered as objectively as you can and try to see things from both your and the other party’s perspective. Being right is not what life is about.
Let’s start with your strengths
When I mention strengths from a talent perspective I refer to researched assessments like CliftonStrengths®, for example, where you look at how you approach and do everything, your hardwiring, independent on personal growth.
There are unique talents and perspectives that only you have that you bring to the table no matter what you do. Then you have your skills, experiences, what you believe, love, and dislike. It’s important to bring that into the equation as well, and your home and work environment, at least if you want to create a life that you love.
Focusing on your talents, what you have going on for yourself vs. what’s not working, which is the case for many environments, is your ticket out. Why fight with people that can’t hear or get you anyway? Speak to the people that are looking for what you have to say and contribute. Eventually, people from other camps may join your fan club, when they’re ready, so let them be (unless we’re talking about harm). Never accept abuse, bullying, etc. talk to someone and ask for help in those situations.
Create a list of dealbreakers, what you need to succeed and hone in on people and companies that you feel are a match. Where you can be a contribution AND where they can be a contribution to you. That’s when creativity flows and businesses grow.—Pia, January 2022
One of my [many] favorite business building books The E-myth Revisited was written by Michael E. Gerber many years ago. It illustrates the power of designing a company and the key initial roles before you even have the capacity or money to hire anyone, and also the exact steps to create a consistent customer experience.
My twist to that, depending on your profession, is to look at the person and what they bring vs. the education. I’m also a bit more fluid in my approach but even I have a “loose framework” in my programs that can be customized.
I’ve seen streetsmart bypass highly educated individuals more than once. Education is needed but isn’t always tied to a degree, especially in sales and marketing.
What is being too much?
Who determines what being too much is? Is it when ego or theatrics are involved? In other words when people are not being themselves and playing a role or pretending to be or portray something they are not?
Then there are the different personalities that we often associate with someone who is in a specific business area or role. When you’re in sales and marketing, you tend to connect with people easily. You’re often expressive, some may even think you talk too much or are too loud from their perspective.
Imagine placing a sales personality in an environment or business culture, where being quiet, focused, and more introspective is valued. There the challenge could be to get people to open up and share thoughts. The sales personality would have a purpose in that environment yet could at the same time feel like they’re too much whether it’s an internal or projected judgment.
The beauty lays in us not being the same and finding a place where you can fit in naturally, just by being yourself.
Lastly, you have the industries that you work in and whether you are conforming to the expectations and behaving in a way that is acceptable for that industry or if you’re standing out by not following the rules.
Can you feel the judgments of all of this?
It’s all a man-made creation in so many ways. Yet, the people we follow and remember stand out. Being too loud or too quiet means that you may carve a new path but no one will listen, know about it, or follow you. Sometimes all you need to do is shift one of the three areas above to change that. In other words, find your people.
Tune within and listen to what your needs are=your truth
Observe yourself from the inside and out and assess if you’re reflecting who you feel you are inside, on the outside. The clearer you are about what you bring, being yourself unapologetically without “attitude” but with confidence is how you create a life that YOU love. Where your too much is exactly what is required and where you can build a life and business platform where you can thrive
When you’re picking up judgment from yourself or others of being “too much” check-in with yourself and ask;
- Is this true or is it an environment that simply can’t receive you
- Am I excluding others and dominating the space/conversation? Nobody likes an ongoing solo show unless you’re paying for a performance
It’s like Oprah said many years ago “Everybody just wants to be heard. Validate them. ‘I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me”—Oprah Winfrey
Start listening to yourself first
What are your thoughts, feelings, and internal awareness? Listen to the words spoken in your mind and externally. What you think you create, choose something empowering one step at a time. Include your needs, desires, and your body in the equation.
As you make peace with who you are and step into your power, you’ll find it easier to be generous in your listening of others, and also not afraid to interrupt when others don’t have the awareness to stop.
Create teams where you have a diverse group with different strengths that are a natural fit for the role. Go beyond degrees (unless it’s a requirement), age, and of course race, as talents and strengths are an inside game.
What is one takeaway or action you can take from this, right now?